Prisoners of Love: Cinnamon Read online

  “I think you’re wrong, Ma. I’m not saying I’m better than you, but I am willing to try to make myself better. I want a normal life. I want a husband, and a home, and even children one day.” She fought the tears that threatened to fall. She would not cry in front of this woman. She would save her tears for when she was alone.

  “Squalling brats. What the hell do you want with them? Always asking for things, whining about being hungry, and cold. Nothing but trouble.”

  “Is that what I am to you, Ma? Nothing but trouble?” Mindy held her breath, not believing she’d asked the question that had bothered her all her life.

  “Well I sure as hell didn’t want you. That was before I knew enough how to keep myself from getting pregnant.”

  Despite the years of neglect, deep down inside Mindy always thought, or at least hoped, that her ma had some feelings for her. But that small kernel of a childish dream vanished like the smoke from Mama’s cigar.

  I sure as hell didn’t want you

  What she didn’t understand was why it hurt. At this point, it should have made no difference. But, unfortunately, it did.

  Mindy stood, knowing there was nothing here for her. But her new life with the man she’d admired all her life, awaited her. Ma was wrong. She would have a better life with a husband, a nice home and possibly children one day. Children she wanted, and would love and take care of.

  “Well, I guess I’ll go now.” She turned and walked toward the door, then holding onto the door knob, she looked back at the woman who had given birth to her. “One thing I always wondered, Ma.”

  “What?” She’d lit the cigar again, and blew a ring of smoke.

  “Why did you name me Cinnamon?”

  Lizzie shrugged. “I needed a name. Couldn’t very well call you ‘girl.’ So after you were a couple of weeks old, and everyone kept bugging me for a name, I looked at the kitchen table where I was trying to feed you and saw a container of cinnamon. Someone was making pastries.”

  Mindy swallowed the bile that rose up the back of her throat. “And that’s where you got my name?”

  “It’s a name as good as any.”

  She gave a soft chuckle and shook her head. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s as good a name as any. Goodbye, Ma. I really do wish you well.”

  “Yeah, well, you take care of yourself, girl. Tell that Jed boy if he gives you a beating, I’ll send someone down there to beat him, too.”

  Mindy closed the door and took a deep breath. Maybe her ma did care about her, after all.

  Chapter Five

  After having reported to the Board that he was now a married man, the next morning, Jed took the satchel from Mindy’s hands and placed it into the wagon. “Is that everything?”

  Mindy turned and surveyed the area. “Yeah, that’s all of it.”

  He grinned at her, pulled her into a hug and swung her around. “Time to go, Mrs. Nelson. Start our new life.”

  Hand-in-hand they walked the short path from where the wagon was parked to the back door of the Nelson home. They were headed to Fort Dodge to join the wagon train. Tomorrow morning the group would leave, headed to Santa Fe. Some would get off at various stop-offs, others would continue on to the end of the trail.

  “Oh, dear, is it time to leave already?” His mama dabbed her eyes with the corner of her apron.

  “Yes, we need to head out. I want to make sure we get settled with the wagon train. I’m not sure what we need to do to join the group, so I want to have a lot of time.” Jed pulled his mother in for a hug. “We’ll be fine.”

  She patted his back. “I know you will, son.” She reached out, and drew Mindy into their circle. “Take good care of each other.” She kissed both of them on the cheek, and they left. They’d already said their goodbyes to Micah and his papa, earlier. They had church duties they needed to get started on.

  Jed helped Mindy onto the wagon seat, then walked around and climbed up alongside her. With a grin in her direction, and a flick of his wrist, the animals moved forward, and they were on their way.

  After she’d returned from the visit with her ma the day before, Mindy had been in poor spirits. It took some doing, but he finally got her to relate their conversation, and if Lizzie O’Brien had been a man, he would have gone down to that brothel and tore into her. Once she’d admitted the unkind things her ma had said, it took him quite a while to calm Mindy down.

  His Mindy was a puzzle. She could stand up for herself against all the cowboys and ruffians who she’d dealt with at the saloon, but her ma could dissolve her daughter into tears with a few cutting words. But then, since he’d been raised in a loving home, he probably would never completely understand his wife.

  “Darlin’, I hope you’re not still thinking on what your ma said yesterday? She’s wrong, you know. You’ll do fine. We’ll both be fine.”

  Mindy nodded, but her wan smile told him she didn’t believe it. Based on her comments, she still didn’t think she was worth much at all. He’d insisted on taking her shopping yesterday. They’d bought supplies for their trip and new home, but he also had her pick out a couple of ready-made dresses, a warm shawl, a bonnet, and a pair of sturdy leather gloves. After much deliberation, she allowed him to buy her a pretty pink nightgown. Not that he planned for her to make much use of it, but it had made her happy.

  “I don’t need all this stuff,” she said as she viewed the pile he’d put on the counter. “It will cost too much money. I didn’t get my last night’s pay because the mayor took it for his injuries.”

  God, he couldn’t wait to get her out of this town. “You’re my responsibility now, Mindy. I will pay for your clothes, food, and house. You need the bonnet to keep the sun off your head when we travel, and if you’re to be any help at all to me on the trip, you’ll need gloves. The hard work will tear up your hands.”

  Now she sat alongside him, wearing one of her new dresses, with the brightly colored shawl wrapped around her shoulders. He could see only the tip of her cute little nose peeking out from the brim of the bonnet. She looked every bit the preacher’s wife, and a respectable woman.

  “How long will it take to get from Fort Dodge to Trinidad?” Mindy asked as she hung onto the wooden bench while the wagon swayed over the bumpy road.

  “From the information I was able to get, it looks like it will take between two and three weeks, depending on the weather and the roads.” He pulled on the reins to guide the animals away from a large hole in the road. “This route is not generally used for people looking to settle in Santa Fe. Most of the wagons on this trip will be bringing goods to Santa Fe. There’s bound to be several families, but many of the wagons will be making deliveries.”

  Mindy stared out at the town as they drove away from Dodge City. He couldn’t help but think his wife was plenty happy to be leaving the place behind. She’d had very few good memories here. Hopefully, they would be making good ones in Trinidad.

  They arrived at the fort right before lunch. Once they spoke with the wagon master, and pulled their wagon into the spot where they would stay until they left the next morning, Mindy began to put their lunch out. His mama had packed them sandwiches, a jar of lemonade, fruit and pie.

  Mama had also spent time the day before giving Mindy a short course on cooking. The poor girl looked confused, but with any luck she learned enough to keep them fed.

  Two little girls came racing past their spot, almost running Mindy down. An older lady chased after them, not too effectively. As they sped past, Jed grabbled them both by the backs of their dresses, bringing them both up short.

  “Let me go,” the older one shouted as they both squirmed, red-faced.

  The woman reached them and tried to catch her breath. “You two are the devil’s spawn. As soon as your pa gets back from town, I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.” She yanked the two girls from his grip. “Now you come with me back to my wagon. I’ll tie the two of you together and strap you to my wagon wheel if you don’t stop misbehaving.�
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  ***

  Mindy tried hard not to smile at the antics of the girls. She was feeling better since her talk with Ma the day before. The wagon was sturdy and filled with wonderful things they would use in their new home. Mama Nelson—as she asked Mindy to call her—had packed a nice lunch for them, and even gave her things to fix supper with that would not take too much in the way of cooking skills. Which was a very good thing because Mindy knew absolutely nothing about cooking. Or cleaning. Or mending. Or laundry. Or any number of things a wife was supposed to know.

  “Lunch is ready, Jed.” She felt very domestic. Very wifely. It was a good feeling, and sure beat slapping drinks on tables for men who she ducked and dodged all night long. Just then the sun broke through the clouds, and it seemed like a good omen. Everything would be fine.

  “What do you mean you burned the supper? I thought Mama gave you something for tonight that was already cooked?” Jed stood across from her staring at the lump of burned stew she was trying to scrape out of the pot.

  “She did. This was it.” Mindy waved at the mess. “All I had to do was heat it up, but I think the flame was too high.”

  He took a deep breath. “Can any of it be saved?”

  She shrugged. “I’m not sure. Hand me that pot over there, and I’ll scrape out as much of this as I can. There might be enough for us to eat.”

  “Is there bread to go with it?

  Her eyes lit up. “Yes, Mama Nelson sent a loaf of bread she just baked this morning. There’s some jam to go with it. Maybe we can eat that if this stew isn’t any good.” She turned her back, not wanting to see the disappointment in Jed’s eyes. After fumbling in the basket and pulling out the jam, she’d recovered herself a bit.

  “Here we go.” She handed him the loaf.

  “Where’s the knife?”

  She frowned. “Knife?”

  “Yeah, Mindy, where’s the knife to cut the bread?”

  “Oh.” She fumbled in the basket some more, but no knife. “Where did we pack the dishes and things your mama gave us?”

  He rolled his eyes. “They’re way toward the front of the wagon. I told you to take out what we would need for the trip, and leave that stuff out so we could use it while we traveled.”

  His tone had her teeth on edge. “Well how in tarnation was I supposed to know what to keep out for the trip? It’s not like I take a wagon train to Colorado every day.”

  “Common sense. You know we need dishes, cups and silverware. Napkins. Things we use every day.”

  Maybe he was so high falutin’ that he used them every day. She was happy if she could grab a hard roll, or a piece of fruit and cheese during her long hours at the saloon. She could count on two hands the meals she’d had sitting at a table, like a normal person. And almost all of those were eaten in Jed’s kitchen with his family. “I did take out the things we would need for the trip.”

  “And?”

  “And, what?”

  “And where is the knife?”

  She tapped her foot and crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t know, but if I did, I’d use it to cut off a part of your body that would leave you singing like a woman.”

  Despite her anger, she knew it should have been directed at herself, not Jed. He hadn’t done anything wrong. This was her first go-round with feeding them, and she’d made a mess of it. Lordy be, Mama Nelson had even cooked the meal for her. All she’d had to do was heat it up, slap it onto a plate and shove it in front of her husband. She couldn’t even do that right.

  Now they were snapping at each other, and she didn’t even know why. She knew she kept a bunch of silverware wrapped in a napkin separate from the rest of the stuff. Of course she had! How else would they have eaten lunch?

  Her spirts fell when she remembered they’d had sandwiches for lunch. They never used any silverware. As she watched, Jed removed a jackknife from his pocket and began to saw a piece of bread off the loaf. Her eyes filled with tears, and once again the words shouted in her brain.

  I’m not good enough. I can’t even put a meal in front of my husband. What have we done?

  ***

  Jed shoved a piece of bread into his mouth, then ran his fingers through his hair. It had been a long day since they’d arrived around noon. He had stopped in to see Easton, the man who ran the wagon train, then re-checked everything they’d brought, making sure it was all tied down according to the instructions Easton had given him. Then he helped two other families re-load their wagons after they took a few things out that made the vehicle too heavy.

  His muscles were sore from not having been used for this kind of work for a while. Now all he wanted to do was grab a bite to eat, have a steaming cup of coffee over the fire, and retire to the wagon with his warm, willing wife by his side.

  However, there didn’t seem to be much of a supper, his new wife was in tears, and the two termagants that had plagued the wagon train all afternoon had finally been taken in hand by their father and new step-mother. But not until they’d created a mess that took him and three other men an hour to clean up.

  “Look, sweetheart, bread, jam and coffee will be fine for supper. I’m more beat than I am hungry.”

  “Coffee?”

  He pinched the bride of his nose and tried very hard to hold his temper. “You did make coffee?”

  “Oh, I knew there was something else I needed to do.” Her shoulders slumped and the tears she’d been holding back slowly slid down her face.

  The words his mama had said as she hugged him when they’d said goodbye came to mind.

  Just give her time, Jedediah. She will need a lot of help. And love.

  He wasn’t being very patient, or loving. This was all new to her, and even though he’d never traveled on a wagon train before, at least he knew more of the basics of living than Mindy did. He had to be a little bit more thoughtful. She was his wife, he loved her, and didn’t want to make her unhappy.

  “Come here, Mindy.” He held his hand out, and she moved closer, then threw herself into his arms and sobbed. Rather than stand out in the open with everyone around them already gawking, he picked her up and headed to the wagon. He stepped up and deposited her inside, then climbed in after her.

  “I can’t d-d-do this, Jed. I t-t-told you it wouldn’t w-w-work.” Her head bent, she wrapped her arms around his chest, clinging to him as if he were an anchor in a storm. Which was how she probably viewed him right now. She was adrift on a sea of confusion.

  “It won’t be so bad once we’re on our way. We’ll dig out the things we need for the trip tonight, and then tomorrow we’ll start fresh. I make pretty good coffee, and I know the basics of flapjacks, although I’ve never done it over a campfire. Together we can figure out how to have flapjacks and coffee for breakfast.” He tilted her chin up. “Feel better?”

  “Yes, but I think we’re going to get mighty tired of eating flapjacks and coffee three times a day for two weeks.”

  Jed laughed and pulled her closer. “Why don’t you get undressed and we’ll find another way to occupy our time before we sleep?”

  It was the end of the second week of their trip to Trinidad. Easton had told Jed they would probably reach their destination in a couple of days. Jed couldn’t arrive fast enough. The entire trip had been a disaster. Trying to teach his wife how to cook, mend, do laundry, and just keep everything organized, had put them at such odds he wondered if they would even be speaking to each other by the time they arrived at the church.

  So far they’d ‘lost’ sheets, socks, dishes, spoons, and the container of coffee. He probably could have put up with a lot of missing things, but the coffee? At least Adelaide, one of the women who’d been in jail with Mindy, had given them some of their coffee.

  Adelaide had been a help with his wife, but she had her hands full with those two girls. He’d felt a great deal of sympathy when he’d found out she was the new step-mother to the little devils. They had settled down a bit since Adelaide had arrived in their lives, but they
still managed to get into trouble most every day.

  Then when Mindy had brought Miss Nellie over to help, it had been worse. That woman had managed to get to almost forty years old without knowing anything. She admitted having servants do all her household chores. Luckily, the two women she was chaperoning to Santa Fe were able to take care of everything for them.

  Jed rotated his neck to ease the muscles that grew tighter with each passing mile. Tonight, the wagon train was going to stop early so the women could wash clothes in the Purgatoire River. The town of Trinidad sat in the Purgatoire River Valley, so they had to be close.

  He pulled the wagon to a halt and breathed a sigh of relief. Pretty soon they would be settled in their own home. Things would be much easier for Mindy if she had four walls around her, a real stove, and a place to do laundry. This trip was certainly a poor introduction into her duties as a wife.

  Except for one thing.

  She was certainly a fast learner when it came to bed activities. They’d kept the wagon rocking every night since they left Dodge City. She was as eager as he was to discover new ways to pleasure each other. He’d begun spending more time on his daily prayers since he was having such a good time with his wife. There had to be a sin in there somewhere.

  But then, again, perhaps the Lord’s penance was Mindy’s cooking. Although, he still felt he’d gotten the better part of the deal.

  “Jed, do you remember where we put that pile of clothes to be washed?” Mindy stood with her one hand on her hip, staring up at him “I can’t find it.”

  “We put it in that wooden barrel. The one that used to hold the things for the trip, that is now half empty.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Oh, yeah, now I remember. Can you get it out, I want to get started early on the wash so it has time to dry before the sun goes down.” She turned and he watched her hips sway as she walked away. He had to remind himself there was a lot of work to be done before they could retire for the night.